Do you have a daughter

Do you have a daughter?  Then you should be very worried. 

Are you wondering what is happening with our young men and why they behave the way they do. Most of us don't realize the brain continues to be wired until our early 20's.  Everything our teens see, do and experience is wiring their brain.  The violent movies, violent video games, online conversations and online pornography are changing the way they think, feel and act.  Most of it done in isolation.  This is where they learn how to treat your daughter.  

All of this is wiring their brain and teaching them how to act and respond to the people and world around them.  

No wonder we have an increase in drug abuse and violence.  

Remember when young guys went out to play ball on the corner lot and they had to learn to cope with not being picked or not being the best?  They had to learn how to deal with conflict, being called names, face-to-face, and it usually ended up with them working it out and leaving as friends.  Now it’s all online, name calling, others piling on, one of them ends up hurting emotionally, pulling inward even more.  Now they hurt deep inside and they turn to drugs, porn or violence to numb the pain…

“On any given day, teens in the United States spend about nine hours using media for their enjoyment, according to the report by Common Sense Media. Some 13-year-olds check social media 100 times a day.”

When you combine this with early drug use, yes this includes marijuana, the effects on the brain increase dramatically.  Drug use changes how the brain processes information and how it is wired. Even moderate drug use slows the maturity growth and can cause mental illness. 

As you can see the problems for our young men are spiraling out of control and we need to do something.

I will leave you with one scary fact… “Some national studies show that up to 70% of women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence from an intimate partner”

Treat or not to treat... what was the question

Treatment for addiction and mental illness typically consists of short term counseling and long term medication. Isn’t this backward.  

Many treatment centers for addiction are now called integrated treatment or dual diagnosis to treat concurring disorders.  In other words, individuals with substance use conditions often have a mental health condition at the same time, and vice versa.  We now know, many addicts struggle with mental illness, such as depression and anxiety.  In many cases, this is the proper treatment, but in some cases it is a diagnosis just to get paid.  We all know insurance bills get inflated because insurance companies will pay for some treatments and not others.  Treatment has become what will the insurance company pay for and not what is best for the patient.

The big issue with long term medication protocol is the medication dampens everything, not just the depression or anxiety.  They may help with depression and anxiety, but they also impact the pleasure center of the brain, many patients say they feel like a zombie.  Medicating a patient doesn’t deal with the root cause of their mental illness or addiction.   Treatment should be about making people well, not suppressing the underlining cause or trading addiction.  

Take Suboxone for example; it's like Methadone, where people stop using heroin and are prescribed Suboxone by a doctor to alleviate the withdrawals.    The cost to the patient, without insurance, is about $500 per month.  The doctor is now in control of the addict, they are told how much to take, when to take it and when to pee in a cup.  Follow my rules or no soup for you.   Did the addict just change dealers? 

What we should be doing is treating people to get them to a point where they can stand on their own two feet, dealing with the pain of life, using tools they have learned to be able to deal with the pain, anxiety and disappointment. 

Treatment should have a short term and long term goals with milestones customized for each

client.  Treatment is not like making sugar cookies. Each client is different, and they have different needs.  The treatment professional should work with the client to define what can be accomplished in three month increments, over two to three years so it heals and changes habits and behaviors. The use of technology can reduce the cost and help manage the goals and milestones.  If the treatment is tiered the client can begin to get their life back and not be chained to their treatment.  

Addict... Label or Diagnosis

Redefine addiction and not let it define the addict

There is a stigma and for many a sense of shame associated with addiction.  Where did it come from, was it created by the industry or the addict?  Webster says a Stigma is a set of negative and often unfair beliefs that a society or group of people or a mark of shame or discredit.

Now that an addict has decided to seek treatment they deserve support not shame and why do they need to keep introducing themselves as an addict?  I am not sure this is a good idea, how does it help their recovery? Think about it. When they go to a recovery meeting they are told to introduce themselves and say “Hi my name is Dave and I am a drug addict” or “Hi my name is Sally and I am an alcoholic”.  Sure, when you decide to get help you do need to admit you have a problem and that you are an addict.  We all know this is the first step in recovery and is the most important step.  

Why do you need to keep labeling yourself?   Are they perpetuating the stigma of addiction or are they standing up loud and proud?  There are still those who still believe an addict is just morally flawed, just weak and should “just say no”.  We now know it’s not a weakness and science proves it is a disease and now the only question is; what caused the disease and addictive behavior.  Was it caused by nature, nurture or both?  We already know hereditary traits play a role in addictive and compulsive behavior.  We also know our environment can have a dramatic and long term effects on our brain and can trigger these behaviors.  The effects on the brain of being neglected and abused are undeniable.  This was illustrated by the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) study at Kaiser Permanente, where they looked at childhood experiences of trauma, abuse, neglect, and family dysfunction and scored each of these experiences.  This study showed with a score of 4 or higher they were five times more likely to become an alcoholic and score of 6 or higher were 46 times more likely to become an IV drug user later in life.  These results have been supported by more than 50 scientific articles. 

Addiction is not about a criminal with a bottle in a paper bag or a needle in his arm.  It’s about the damaged child, the changes in the brain and the pain they are trying to run from or suppress. 

Listen to people around you talk about their addiction and you start to see it has become their identity or even a crutch. It’s all they know. I saw a post on the internet and it said “I’m a drug addict, I suffer with a disease called addiction.  I can’t be cured but I have learned to live with it”.  I found this very sad that she thought this was now her identity.  Recently I received a fundraiser email from a supporter of a non-profit treatment center and in the email they said “They are number 1 in the area in turning thieves into wonderful law abiding citizens”.  This may be true, but did the writer think about the impact those words have on a reader who may be struggling with addiction. I can only imagine what this said to a reader who is struggling. Is this the way society sees me? Why even try?  They may have become a thief but it’s not what they wanted to be and it’s not where they started. They started out an innocent child who was neglected, abused and hurting.

Along with the abuse they suffered they were given labels such as; stupid, moron, idiot, and

worthless, now they have a new label.  Is this a self-fulfilling prophecy and they begin to self-identify with these labels? If you hear something long enough and often enough, you begin to believe it.   The addict doesn’t need the rest of the world telling them how bad they are, they do enough of that on their own.  The media tells us what an addict should look like, you have all seen the guy on the bench with a bottle wrapped in a paper bag or the girl prostituting herself for drug money.  Is that who they really are or is it what has happened to them?  

Addicts begin to own the labels society gives them, it’s their identity.  For some, it has become an excuse not to try anymore.  Some even think... if I tell people I’m an addict they won’t expect much from me and I can get by with accomplishing less.  Don’t hold me accountable because I am defective, I have a disease.  I can’t work because I can’t handle the pressure, I might relapse.  Remember, they are hurting, depressed and without hope.

Taking it further, what if you continue to believe you are sick, will your negative thinking prolong your illness?   Dr. Chopra and Dr. Segal believe positive thinking plays a significant role in recovering from cancer and other illnesses.  So why is it any different with addiction?

I think now it is time to redefine addiction and not let it define the addict.  

Maybe we should start looking at addiction as any other disease, such as cancer.  When you are diagnosed with cancer people don’t run from you, they “Run For The Cure”, they support you, they make sure you get your treatment and even start crowdfunding for you.  Some cancers are not curable, but they can be treated and go into remission.  Once your cancer is in “Remission” people drop the label and stop treating you like you’re sick.  Then it’s up to the cancer patient to take care of their health and follow the long term treatment protocol and watch for reoccurring signs.  Addiction is not much different.  Once you have been in treatment and are in “Recovery” you can lead a normal life as long as you follow the treatment protocol and watch for triggers.

Let’s drop the labels and realize we are all struggling with something.  No need to label, enable or coddled anyone because of their illness, just support them and hold them accountable for their actions.  Addicts also need drop the label or crutch which ever they are choosing to use and focus on the positive side of recovery. They survived… 

Its about rewiring the brain and changing habits.  

What if addicts began to do what top performers do?  Athletes use positive self-talk to accomplish amazing feats of athleticism…   Muhammad Ali took it to the next level by saying... I am the greatest! I'm the greatest thing that ever lived. 

Helen Keller who was deaf and blind said Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.  

One big fish story…

One big fish story… or The path of least resistance

When talking about addiction and how it affects the brain have you ever heard the term “what fires together wires together”?  What does this mean.  The phrase, “neurons that fire together wire together” can be attributed to Donald Hebb, a neuropsychologist, who said this in 1949. 

Each time you have a thought or encounter, different areas of your brain records this information all at the same time. (they fired together and are now wired together) i.e. You will never forget the first time you touched a hot stove; what it felt like, looked like and even smelled like, because your brain remembered every detail.  Next time you see a hot stove all of those areas in your brain remember it in details.  This happens with the good things in life too. When you hear a song it can take you right back to that moment in time, the feeling and what you were doing, who you were with.  Advertisers have known this for a long time and they hit you in as many regions as the brain as they can, sight, sound, scent etc.  This way your brain associates that product in many different ways.  The more times the same thing happens the stronger these connections get. 

I like to think of brain wiring like that path down to the creek when you were kids.  When you first started to go down to the creek you had to push through waste high grass with your fishing pole slung over your shoulder.  Remember the first time you fished there and all the big fish you caught?  That memory kept you coming back time after time, using the same path.  By the end of the summer you could clearly see the path you had been taking and within a couple of years it was a well-worn path.  Every time you start down that path you remember the first big fish you caught and you say to yourself, today I’m going to catch another really big one today, but you never do.  All you have left is the memory and a well-worn path.

This is what happens to our brain when we repeat anything over and over.  We create well-worn paths and these paths are what we follow without much conscious thought, hoping for one more big fish. 

In the case of addictive behavior, it may start out as a something to distract and entertain us or ease our pain.  Then here comes that well-worn path of a habit, followed by the anticipation of what is going to happen.   That first rush is now long gone and replaced with the brains need to keep that feeling coming.  They brain starts to tell the rest of the body it needs that old feeling back…  right now and it does it rather loudly.  Then when the body grabs that fishing pole the brain begins to anticipate what is about to happen its starts the fireworks show and those neurons begin to fire much like it does when we actually engage in the addictive behavior.  People talk about the rush they get from hearing the casino noise or seeing drug paraphernalia and its almost as powerful as the addiction itself.  We now see that with the internet and smart phones; every notification on your phone brings a rush of excitement of what the message might be.

What addicts really need is help building new paths, healthy paths that lead in all new directions,

away from old thinking and friends.  If they don’t get rid of the old paths they start to think they can go fishing with their old friends just one more time.     

Our brain keeps telling us, there might be one really big fish left, I bet we will catch it this time.  Let the fish go, that one last time may kill them… 

Drug use is a victim-less crime... Nope

You often hear people say that addiction and drug use is a victim-less crime. Usually that’s coming from the drug user themselves and you will hear them say “I’m not hurting anyone just leave me alone”. But that’s simply not true, one out of three people in the United States are affected by drugs or alcohol.

You could be affected by a driver under the influence who hit your dad head-on or a heroin addict who just broke into your house and stole grandmother’s ring she gave when she died and the addict pawns if for $50 to pay for their hundred and $100 a day habit.

Maybe it’s just the anger the pain and the hurt the family goes through when they see their child addicted to pain pills, meth or heroin.

If you spend any time around a family who has someone close to them who is struggling with addiction you will see how it affects them and in some cases destroys the rest of the family.  You see one person in the family wants to hold them accountable any other ends up enabling them and now they are fighting because both of them love their child and have no idea how to help them.

Go to a homeless shelter and talk to the people living there and see how addiction has ruined their lives and now they live on the streets panhandling to get just enough to get their next fix. 

Talk to the girl on the street who left her child with her mother while she was selling her body for $25 to support her heroin addiction to stop the pain she is in because she has not used in eight hours.

Stop and talk to the guy sitting on the park bench with his bottle wrapped in a paper bag, all alone because his family left him because he couldn't stay away from the bottle long enough to hold a job.

Visit the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit and see the baby who is addicted to crack cocaine when it was born and listen to that 2 ½ pound baby cry out in pain because he hasn't got his daily fix he used to get through his mother.

Then decide if drug use is a victim-less crime.

So-called “special programs” to save people from themselves

In society today there’s a tough balance between a hand-out and hand-up. I see a lot of people struggling with various issues, such as addiction, mental illness and homelessness.  When you look at their daily lives, once they have been in these situations for a while, you begin to understand why it is difficult for them to get out.

Let’s start with addiction, once someone becomes addicted their life becomes focused on one thing and that is finding the next bottle or drug of choice. I've seen many people spend all day trying to find a way just to get enough money to buy whatever their drug of choice is or a bottle. Some of them have to put in some serious effort and it makes you wonder if they had to work that hard just to get the money to buy the drug of choice, how hard would they work if they had a job with hope and purpose and were not addicted.

Then you look at those who are struggling with mental illness and the labels society puts on them and the medications they have to take just to make it through one day. Some even get into trouble and have to go through what they call “Mental Health Court” and are required to attend a number of meetings each week. Some of the restrictions from the outside seem very silly and I know they have to watch what they say to the judge or counselor.  I know that seems funny, they’re struggling with mental illness and they have to be careful with what they say. Sometimes I think the system is stacked against them.

By looking at the homeless, which could encompass addiction and mental illness, or for some it could be they are just going against society you see a different picture. Because of the generosity of those around them they are able to survive. You see once you’re on the street for a while you develop a system, you know where to get breakfast, you know where to get lunch and dinner and when winter comes there is almost always a warm place to sleep.

The problem comes when you are socializing with those who are suffering just as much if not worse than you are this lifestyle becomes comfortable and normal. In some cases they begin to prefer it.  I look around and see how much money we as individuals give to the people standing on street corner with their hand out, with their crudely written signs and the amount of money the government spends on so-called “special programs” to save people from themselves.  But most of these “special programs” don’t include helping them develop the skills to get back into society and learn to live what we call a normal life. 

They just make us feel better because we are not letting them starve to death.

There are a few private programs such as Union Gospel Mission, which provides an 18 month program that if you completed it you come out with better social skills and having learned how to cope in society and how to hold a job.

Most of our government programs just send out a check and they think they are doing the right thing but I suggest that there is something better and that is to provide people with hope and purpose. By sending them a check you take away their hope and their purpose and they only live to get by until the next check arrives.

Then there is the prison system, which do you realize cost the taxpayer $35,000 on average to house a prisoner for one year. In New York State it is $65,000 per year per person. (By the way 76% end up back in jail) What if we took all of this money that we are spending on “special programs” and prison cells and use it to create a similar model such as the Union Gospel Mission and many other private organizations have created around the country.  Maybe it would be money better spent.

Dream Job… You don’t always have to follow your passion, but you do have to bring it with you!

What is your dream job and is it the same dream job as it was when you were young and even what you studied in college?  Many of us growing up have a dream job in mind and then we grow up and find out being a cowboy or a sports hero is not what it looks like in the movies.

When I asked what people wanted to be when they grew up the list was predictable.. Fireman, cowboy, astronaut or football player.  For me, I wanted to be a photographer, specifically a wildlife/nature photographer.  That didn't last long, since I wanted to eat and pay my bills.  I ended up going back to college for electronics and now I don’t do that either.

We put such an emphasis on education and careers and then we push our kids to do the same thing. Get an education and a career.  Only to later find out it’s not what we wanted to do after all or maybe it wasn't something we could make a living doing.

In most countries they only hope to be able to feed and clothe their family and don’t dare dream of what job they would like to have.

Do we have the right to dream and choose our life path? You have heard the saying  “Do what you love and the money will follow”.

Well yes we do… and that is exactly what this country was founded on.  Can you imagine if Columbus had not dreamt up the notion that the world was not flat and dreamt of faraway lands? What if the Pilgrims had not jumped on those three cramped boats for the dream of settling new lands?  Can you image if those first settlers had decided the east coast was good enough and not traveled west.  What about those that hit the Rockies and said ehh that’s far enough.  Then others said, hmmm what’s on the other side, let’s climb 14,000 feet over those peaks and see what is there.

Can you imagine what would have happened if we decided the moon was too far and President Kennedy had not said “We choose to go to the moon. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard”. Where would we be as a nation today if we had not dreamt big?

Dream job.. It is important is to dream and dream big.  Chase your dreams, chase your passion, and don’t sacrifice your heart for someone else’s plan for you.   Encourage your kids to chase their dreams and passions, don’t put limits on them, let them soar.  They will find their own way.  Similar to what an Eagle does when their young are ready.  They force them out of the nest so they learn to fly and to find their own way and soar.    You are never too old to leave the comfort of the nest, chase your dreams or change careers.

Dream Job… You don’t always have to follow your passion, but you do have to bring it with you!

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