Punishment... why and for how long?

What if you made a mistake and someone rubbed your nose in it every day..... for the rest of your life?

So many people who are trying to get their life back on track are tripped up by the very system they are told is there to help them. I know so many on parole and probation who say their parole officer changes the rules regularly, put obstacles in their way to trip them up. They tell me, they believe it is to make them fail so it looks like the officer is doing their job.

Does the system treat everyone one the same, unfairly.... because there are so many who abuse the system, lie, cheat and steal at every turn, tainting the officers and making them cold and callus. Are the officers so overloaded they have to treat everyone as a number not a person with potential?

So what happens to those who are really trying, to do the right thing, turn their mistakes into positives. Some just give up, and say " what's the use" and they go back to their old ways and just waits for the enviable. Back to prison.

Does the system reward the wrong behavior from the officers. Does it reward them for how many possible crimes they may have prevented... I don't know how they are rewarded, but I know the system is broken. Maybe it should reward them for how many people they get back on track and not back in jail... Why do 76% end up back in jail?

Prisons and Parole/Probation unions employ a lot of people and have a lot of money to lobby our elected officials.

Are we just Feeding the beast...

Life of a Felon...

Have you ever thought about what happens to someone who has been arrested and charged with a felony?  What if that felony was because of multiple arrest for drug use or stealing to support their drug use?

Here is the problem, there are limited options for treatment and so without proper treatment, they relapse 80% of the time and end up becoming a habitual drug users and then habitual offenders.  What usually happens is they are arrested multiple times, and finally charged with a felony and sent to prison and may even go through some form of treatment while in prison.  Once they are released from prison they have a parole officer, a curfew and fines and fees to pay.  That’s where the problem really begins.  There are not many employers who will hire a felon, if you apply for a job and are truthful and put on the application you have a felony, that application goes to the bottom of the pile.  In addition, how many landlords will rent to a felon?  So they end up sleeping on couches wherever they can until they wear out their welcome and they end up on the streets selling drugs again trying to support themselves.  On top of all this they have had to learn to be a thug just to survive in prison.  What do you think happens to a nice guy in prison…?  Yes, that’s right.

Now that I have painted part of the picture here is what happens to many.  According to government statistics 76% of those on parole end up back in jail within five years.  While in jail they get accustomed to prison life and many find that because they have a felony prison life is easier than life on the outside. 

They used to say prison is to reform criminal behavior but in most cases it makes things worse.  Children lose their parent, parents lose their children, wives lose their husbands.  There are too many single moms struggling to get by.  No one wins.

Think about it, to protect us from these so called "bad guys" we have made the problem worse.  They come out worse than they went in, they can’t get a job, their family doesn’t trust them and they have nowhere to live.  How do you think they now see themselves now?  They have taken ownership of every label that society has given them and wear it like armor.  You can’t hurt them anymore than they have been hurt already, yeah I know, most of it was caused by what they did, but now they have nothing to lose. 

We need more treatment, not more prison guards.   Treatment needs to include a complete education; job skills, how keep a job, coping skills, character building and conflict resolution. We need to teach them how to survive in the real world and in the workplace. If you just toss them back into situations where they will use the same skills they have always used, which they are quite skilled at and they will fail. 

We need to help them take off that mask they have put on to protect themselves.  Remember when they were children… They didn’t have to wear a mask.

Addiction!! Is like a Snow Cone..

Do you struggle with addiction?  Maybe not... Or maybe you do and don't event realize it.  Do you smoke? Do you eat sweets, drink soda or coffee?  Have you tried to stop any of these?

Many people think of an addict as someone abusing drugs or alcohol and wonders why they just don't stop.  Have you seen the commercials on smoking, showing a person dying from lung cancer and still smoking?  Why would anyone keep doing something that may cost them everything?  They may lose their job, their family, their freedom or even their life.

The answer is not that simple, but it involves your brain.  In simple terms, your  brain was taught by you, what to like or not to like and when this changes your brain is not happy.  Everything you do affects your brain; exercise, watching TV, drinking coffee or even social media. Yes their is an addiction called Internet addiction disorder (IAD).  Have you ever tried to start or stop a habit?  Its not easy.

Lets magnify this a little, if you use drugs or alcohol it changes your brain chemistry an when you try to stop your brain doesn't like it at all.  It will doing anything to get those chemicals back you have been pouring into it every day for years.

Think of addiction this way, have you ever had a snow cone, at first it taste really good and is a bright blue or red, but then all that flavor and color drains to the bottom and now their is no color and no flavor.  This is your brain on drugs.. once the ice has not flavor and no color the brain wants it back.. The brain says.. "Pour more of that syrup on me please".  

 Your brain will try to override everything you do to get you back to doing what it wants.  Until... You retrain you brain.  So next time you can't just walk by a cookie think about who is asking for that cookie? you or your brain.

I am not a piece of meat am I

We often hear about the failures in addiction and mental health treatment and its usually the headline on the evening news, telling us of a tragic ending.  It is rare we get to hear about the successes, especially when the cause of the pain started at age three.

I want to share with you a story of one women who struggled with addiction for thirty years.   Her name is Melissa, she wanted her story told because she wanted everyone to know her story and to see what is possible.  She is now thirty-eight and is happy and healthy, but what she went through to get here is truly heart breaking.  

Her trauma began at age three, that is when she was first sexually molested by her mother’s boyfriend and it continued in various forms until just a few years ago.   Her mother was divorced and had several boy friends who molested Melissa until she ran away at age twelve.  At eight-years-old she already had a problem with alcohol, at age ten, because of a DUI, (yes at ten) was treated for alcohol abuse. On her eleventh birthday her dad gave her a bag of Marijuana. Happy birthday Melissa.   She would often run away and when she was gone, she was rarely missed, but she always returned back to her mother’s house.  Not always by choice.  The system failed her.

At age twelve, she finally escaped the molestation at home, little did she know she was running into the hands of the devil, a pedophile. She ran away to Vermont with a guy who was twenty-six years old and within a week he began to physical and emotional abuse her daily.  The abuse was constant and caused her to miscarry nine times.  Her first at fourteen and she gave birth to her first of three children at fifteen.  She lived in constant fear and pain, all the while her drug and alcohol use increased and she began to have run-ins with the law and eventually she lost custody of her children. At twenty-six decided she had two choices, run away or die, she chose to run. The system failed her again.

She made her way back to the Northwest, back to where it all started.  Bringing with her the guilt and pain of losing her children.  The pain was overwhelming and her drinking and drug use escalated. Through the years she suffered more heartache, abuse and broken relationships, continuing to self-medicating. She got clean and sober a few times, but it never lasted long.  In and out of prison she went through their form of treatment but it didn’t deal with the underlying cause of her addiction and criminal behavior. She had been through the material so many times she could teach the lessons, but her head knowledge never helped to healed her heartache.

After one of her stints in prison she went to a local faith based recovery center, where she ran away twice, what a surprise.  The third time she stayed 126 days and this time God got a hold of her, but even then her sobriety didn’t last long.  She relapsed shortly after because she had not addressed or even understood her pain. Since she had never dealt with her physical and emotional pain, the effects of her trauma would continue to come rushing back and she would turn to what she knew best... Drugs and Alcohol.

Once again she found herself back in a courtroom, this time it was in front of Judge Mitchel and he doled out some tough love and enrolled her in the Mental Health Court Program.  When they gave her a little rope, she ran with it and ended up back in jail, with new charges for possession of Meth.  This happened when she had enrolled in a local welding program, which was supposed to be a safe place.  Soon found herself surrounded by other students using Meth and soon she was using again.  This time, realizing she made a bad choice, she turned herself into the court and confessed her use of Meth. 

Mental Health Court Graduation

Melissa ended up back in front of Judge Mitchel and apparently he wasn’t willing to give up on her, he saw something in her others missed.  Instead of a long prison sentence, the Judge gave her another chance, this time with a shorter rope and he let her back into the Mental Health Court Program.  This time they were tougher on her, filling her days with drug tests, counseling and court ordered Celebrate Recovery, this is where I met Melissa.  When she walked into Celebrate Recovery the first night, it was obvious she was hurting, very angry and shut down and didn’t want to be there.  She sat near the back of the room, with her arms crossed, her angry face firmly in place.  She reluctantly continued to come every week and began to open up and we got to hear why she was angry.  She made it clear she was tough as nails and no one was going to make her do anything.  God had another plan.

After a few months she was up front and center every night and occasionally we would hear a little giggle and even see a smile.  We soon realized that anger and tough shell was her way of protecting herself, since she could no longer hide behind drugs and alcohol. 

We were only about six months into Celebrate Recovery and our groups continued to multiple and we were going to need more leaders. We needed to start a leadership training program and selected several we thought showed promise and Melissa was one of them.  None of them were ready, especially Melissa, but that didn’t stop us.  Over the next three months we conducted weekly training and Melissa started to blossom.  As part of this training they are all required to write their testimonies and present it in front of the group.  This is big step for them, because it requires them to write down what happened in their life, what hurt them and the damage they caused.  This forces them to deal with their past.  For Melissa, this was huge and created a major breakthrough.  She asked me to help

Completion of 12 months CR

her with her testimony and together we worked through every step of her life and we discussed it along the way.  When she was reading her own story, she stopped and stared at me intensely and said “I am not a piece of meat am I, this was not my fault”.  I said “no Melissa it is not your fault”, her face changed and the anger drained out and she has never been the same since.  Everything that happened to Melissa since she was three formed her self-image and until that moment she saw herself as garbage and just a piece of meat.  Now God had her heart and she realized she mattered.  

She has worked very hard and received support from Judge Mitchel and the team from the Mental Health Court Program has given her a chance to grow and heal.  During all of this, she found time to go through a program called Light Works Project a vocational training program for the at-risk community. At Light Works the team meets every morning and prays together then head into the shop to learn construction skills by building Tiny Houses.  The tiny houses are really just a byproduct, most importantly they are taught character, conflict resolution and how to work as a team, all the soft skills they were never taught.  Once she completed her training she become a paid internship and was now earning a living and began to build self-esteem. It is important to note; this is the first time in her life she held a job. 

Now after fourteen months in the Mental Health Court Program she has graduated in front of a standing room only courtroom, filled with all the people who came to show their support.  Many had tears, including the judge who has a huge heart for those he works with.  Melissa is off Social Security and has left the nest of the Light Works Project and works full-time for a local plaster company, she has her own apartment and a truck.  Now Melissa is contributing to society. 

She made it this far because she refused to give up and everyone around her refused to give up on her. Everyone was focused on the whole person, not just her addiction or criminal behavior.  It will take years to heal all the wounds and she will need emotional support for a long time but now she has a future and is not behind bars. 

The important point of this story is what it took to get her to where she is today.  First she had to get clean and sober, then learn how to survive without being self-medicated.  She had to heal her pain and learn to follow the rules of life and then how to deal with the real world.  Miss any of these steps and she would have failed.

Healthy and Happy today

This time the system did not fail her and this is what treatment should look like for everyone. 

Do you have a daughter

Do you have a daughter?  Then you should be very worried. 

Are you wondering what is happening with our young men and why they behave the way they do. Most of us don't realize the brain continues to be wired until our early 20's.  Everything our teens see, do and experience is wiring their brain.  The violent movies, violent video games, online conversations and online pornography are changing the way they think, feel and act.  Most of it done in isolation.  This is where they learn how to treat your daughter.  

All of this is wiring their brain and teaching them how to act and respond to the people and world around them.  

No wonder we have an increase in drug abuse and violence.  

Remember when young guys went out to play ball on the corner lot and they had to learn to cope with not being picked or not being the best?  They had to learn how to deal with conflict, being called names, face-to-face, and it usually ended up with them working it out and leaving as friends.  Now it’s all online, name calling, others piling on, one of them ends up hurting emotionally, pulling inward even more.  Now they hurt deep inside and they turn to drugs, porn or violence to numb the pain…

“On any given day, teens in the United States spend about nine hours using media for their enjoyment, according to the report by Common Sense Media. Some 13-year-olds check social media 100 times a day.”

When you combine this with early drug use, yes this includes marijuana, the effects on the brain increase dramatically.  Drug use changes how the brain processes information and how it is wired. Even moderate drug use slows the maturity growth and can cause mental illness. 

As you can see the problems for our young men are spiraling out of control and we need to do something.

I will leave you with one scary fact… “Some national studies show that up to 70% of women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence from an intimate partner”