I am not a piece of meat am I

We often hear about the failures in addiction and mental health treatment and its usually the headline on the evening news, telling us of a tragic ending.  It is rare we get to hear about the successes, especially when the cause of the pain started at age three.

I want to share with you a story of one women who struggled with addiction for thirty years.   Her name is Melissa, she wanted her story told because she wanted everyone to know her story and to see what is possible.  She is now thirty-eight and is happy and healthy, but what she went through to get here is truly heart breaking.  

Her trauma began at age three, that is when she was first sexually molested by her mother’s boyfriend and it continued in various forms until just a few years ago.   Her mother was divorced and had several boy friends who molested Melissa until she ran away at age twelve.  At eight-years-old she already had a problem with alcohol, at age ten, because of a DUI, (yes at ten) was treated for alcohol abuse. On her eleventh birthday her dad gave her a bag of Marijuana. Happy birthday Melissa.   She would often run away and when she was gone, she was rarely missed, but she always returned back to her mother’s house.  Not always by choice.  The system failed her.

At age twelve, she finally escaped the molestation at home, little did she know she was running into the hands of the devil, a pedophile. She ran away to Vermont with a guy who was twenty-six years old and within a week he began to physical and emotional abuse her daily.  The abuse was constant and caused her to miscarry nine times.  Her first at fourteen and she gave birth to her first of three children at fifteen.  She lived in constant fear and pain, all the while her drug and alcohol use increased and she began to have run-ins with the law and eventually she lost custody of her children. At twenty-six decided she had two choices, run away or die, she chose to run. The system failed her again.

She made her way back to the Northwest, back to where it all started.  Bringing with her the guilt and pain of losing her children.  The pain was overwhelming and her drinking and drug use escalated. Through the years she suffered more heartache, abuse and broken relationships, continuing to self-medicating. She got clean and sober a few times, but it never lasted long.  In and out of prison she went through their form of treatment but it didn’t deal with the underlying cause of her addiction and criminal behavior. She had been through the material so many times she could teach the lessons, but her head knowledge never helped to healed her heartache.

After one of her stints in prison she went to a local faith based recovery center, where she ran away twice, what a surprise.  The third time she stayed 126 days and this time God got a hold of her, but even then her sobriety didn’t last long.  She relapsed shortly after because she had not addressed or even understood her pain. Since she had never dealt with her physical and emotional pain, the effects of her trauma would continue to come rushing back and she would turn to what she knew best... Drugs and Alcohol.

Once again she found herself back in a courtroom, this time it was in front of Judge Mitchel and he doled out some tough love and enrolled her in the Mental Health Court Program.  When they gave her a little rope, she ran with it and ended up back in jail, with new charges for possession of Meth.  This happened when she had enrolled in a local welding program, which was supposed to be a safe place.  Soon found herself surrounded by other students using Meth and soon she was using again.  This time, realizing she made a bad choice, she turned herself into the court and confessed her use of Meth. 

Mental Health Court Graduation

Melissa ended up back in front of Judge Mitchel and apparently he wasn’t willing to give up on her, he saw something in her others missed.  Instead of a long prison sentence, the Judge gave her another chance, this time with a shorter rope and he let her back into the Mental Health Court Program.  This time they were tougher on her, filling her days with drug tests, counseling and court ordered Celebrate Recovery, this is where I met Melissa.  When she walked into Celebrate Recovery the first night, it was obvious she was hurting, very angry and shut down and didn’t want to be there.  She sat near the back of the room, with her arms crossed, her angry face firmly in place.  She reluctantly continued to come every week and began to open up and we got to hear why she was angry.  She made it clear she was tough as nails and no one was going to make her do anything.  God had another plan.

After a few months she was up front and center every night and occasionally we would hear a little giggle and even see a smile.  We soon realized that anger and tough shell was her way of protecting herself, since she could no longer hide behind drugs and alcohol. 

We were only about six months into Celebrate Recovery and our groups continued to multiple and we were going to need more leaders. We needed to start a leadership training program and selected several we thought showed promise and Melissa was one of them.  None of them were ready, especially Melissa, but that didn’t stop us.  Over the next three months we conducted weekly training and Melissa started to blossom.  As part of this training they are all required to write their testimonies and present it in front of the group.  This is big step for them, because it requires them to write down what happened in their life, what hurt them and the damage they caused.  This forces them to deal with their past.  For Melissa, this was huge and created a major breakthrough.  She asked me to help

Completion of 12 months CR

her with her testimony and together we worked through every step of her life and we discussed it along the way.  When she was reading her own story, she stopped and stared at me intensely and said “I am not a piece of meat am I, this was not my fault”.  I said “no Melissa it is not your fault”, her face changed and the anger drained out and she has never been the same since.  Everything that happened to Melissa since she was three formed her self-image and until that moment she saw herself as garbage and just a piece of meat.  Now God had her heart and she realized she mattered.  

She has worked very hard and received support from Judge Mitchel and the team from the Mental Health Court Program has given her a chance to grow and heal.  During all of this, she found time to go through a program called Light Works Project a vocational training program for the at-risk community. At Light Works the team meets every morning and prays together then head into the shop to learn construction skills by building Tiny Houses.  The tiny houses are really just a byproduct, most importantly they are taught character, conflict resolution and how to work as a team, all the soft skills they were never taught.  Once she completed her training she become a paid internship and was now earning a living and began to build self-esteem. It is important to note; this is the first time in her life she held a job. 

Now after fourteen months in the Mental Health Court Program she has graduated in front of a standing room only courtroom, filled with all the people who came to show their support.  Many had tears, including the judge who has a huge heart for those he works with.  Melissa is off Social Security and has left the nest of the Light Works Project and works full-time for a local plaster company, she has her own apartment and a truck.  Now Melissa is contributing to society. 

She made it this far because she refused to give up and everyone around her refused to give up on her. Everyone was focused on the whole person, not just her addiction or criminal behavior.  It will take years to heal all the wounds and she will need emotional support for a long time but now she has a future and is not behind bars. 

The important point of this story is what it took to get her to where she is today.  First she had to get clean and sober, then learn how to survive without being self-medicated.  She had to heal her pain and learn to follow the rules of life and then how to deal with the real world.  Miss any of these steps and she would have failed.

Healthy and Happy today

This time the system did not fail her and this is what treatment should look like for everyone.